oh tonight, I promise to remember that making promises is always a mistake...

*deep breath*

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

Okay. Tone is set for this entry.
I'll begin with ranting, and get to semi-happy stuff later.

First of all, let me begin with a certain WOMAN who is pissing me off (sorry, friends, prepare for my intense hate beams). The other day, I went to my FRIENDS' class to help them drop some stuff off, and she has the nerve to go, in her evil hag voice, "Dominic, why are you here?"
WELL, EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME, PRINCESS.
Doesn't help what with the way she said my name. Dom-uh-nic. Each syllable an outrage. Her tone was fucking awful.
And the worst part? She tells everyone about it and acts like I'm clingy.

"well there's a difference between persistence and being clingyness SCREEEEEEEE i have no idea what the fuck i'm talking about but I'll just keep being a jerk i guess"

I just want to destroy her. But I won't. I won't.
I'll just keep going. EVERYDAY.
And if she gets in my way? I'll ask why she's there.
SO HA. SUCK IT
SUCK IT
SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK IT.

Next up? Scheduling for next year and AP Classes.
Fuck it.

Why does it have to be so hard to decide?
Why do I have to be unfulfilled in one class, overwhelmed in the other?
Why can't I just have my happy medium? Huh?

I feel like I really should take AP English. But I have a feeling I can't deal with it.
But if I take CP English and there's lots of handholding, I'll just be angry at myself.
I want to be able to express my writing skill I apparently have. So far in Ms. Speller's class we've written like TWO ESSAYS, it's so boring, all we ever do is TALK ABOUT THE BOOK and READ IT IN CLASS like children. Ugh.
I might possibly end up with no AP at all. Going to ask my counselor if she thinks I need it to keep my options open and ask my teacher if I she thinks I can do it without killing myself.

Already decided, though, no AP Gov for me guys. Sorry. D:

My cousin came in from Arizona on Saturday. It was mostly stupid, I'm not very fond of him. But the biggest atrocity all night is that I came in and his little kid was throwing a tantrum and like his firs conversation piece for me was "He reminds me of you when you were little."

SHUT UP.

Thanks.

Anyway, this brings me to the happy stuff. Same day, I picked out my PROM TUX.
It looked SWEET, even though I only saw myself in the jacket and the pants, and seperately at that.

BUT SO EXCITED TO GET IT ON THE 19TH. YAY.
Blue vest/tie, black jacket/shoes/pants, white cuffamajigs. :]
Gonna look, as they say in the biz (not sure which one), "fly".

This week needs to be over, then I can sit around all weekend, then on Monday go to JAPANTOWN with ZACH and a couple of other kids I don't really care for but ZACH IS SO COOL THAT I DON'T CARE. It's going to be fun. Then Thursday, I get my tux, then I don't even need to talk about the SATURDAY AFTER THAT for you to know it's cool. :]

Then.... then I get my teeth drilled on the 23rd. :/
BUT THEN ON THE 28TH MY COUSINS ARE COMING FROM WASHINGTON (NOT FORKS). I hope I get to see them that weekend... otherwise I have to cut school. xD Oh well. But it's going to be so cool. I haven't seen them in forever... :]

Finally, my parents are going to start searching for a home loan/house around the same time. SO. EXCITED. I can't wait to have my own room. Here's my checklist for what I want it to have.

-One TV that either is turned off or muted when I want to sleep.
-Nothing on the floor.
-Walls that aren't orange.
-General sense of comfort and organization.
-Privacy.
-My own computer (yeaaaaaaah right)

and more that I can't think of right now. But the point is I don't have any of those right now, and I WANT THEM.
I hope my parents can follow through with this "new house" plan this time. :[

Okay. That's all I have to say.

*poof*

I swore tonight, that I would behave like an actual civilized man...

I started feeling bad and wrote a terrifying poem or whatever the hell i have no idea what it is... about it.
Revel in:

It's not that I didn't try
Just that it never mattered

And it's not that I didn't mean them
It's just that the words meant nothing

And it's not that I don't care
It's just that I couldn't figure out how

And it's not that you scare me
It's that I'm scared that you do

And it's not that I'm worried
It's that maybe I just don't care enough

And it's not that I hate you
It's that I don't understand why I should

And it's not that I'm envious
It's just that I can't be satisfied

And it's definitely not that I'm misunderstood
It's that I just don't get it.


Ugh. Wow, I'm sorry for that.

auuuuuuuuuuuugh

this.
week.
sucked.

Oh my god. Where do I begin.

Sunday- Was actually nice. Because my mom made a ton of food for me.

Monday- Was shit, and I can barely remember why. Well, I didn't have to go to the dentist, but I had tons of homework to do and no one to talk to and nothing to eat. I think that's what happened...

Tuesday- AUGH. Was so sleepy. Almost collapsed throughout 2nd period until lunch. Then I had to wait (technically, mostly) alone for my mom for TWO. HOURS. I swear. She gets a new phone, and then she FORGETS TO BRING IT WITH HER EVERYDAY. Priorities, mother, priorities. So I ended up getting slightly sick from that and just feeling quite a bit lonely.

Wednesday- THE. WORST. By far. Words cannot describe how badly this day failed. First of all, I had had only ten hours of sleep in the past two days. Around 3rd period & 4th period, I just felt like I was going to faint or throw up, no joke. And I got into a fight over something stupid and little that I really shouldn't have tripped out over, so I was worried about that ALL DAY, too. Luckily it turned out okay and Art Club was actually fun... then in 5th and 6th I was just like "I don't want to go home, but I MUST!" and I did, missing an opportunity to hang out... but I was going to take a nap, so it was okay...

...but of course there's no privacy in my house and it's perfectly okay for my brother to have his girlfriend over unannounced so they can be obnoxious in MY ROOM Vincent's room that I use to sleep in. So I can't nap. Parents tell me to sleep on the couch but that would also be impossible due to how loud they are, too. So I just went on the computer instead and felt like I was going to die.

IswearIwanttomovesobadlyifmyparentscan'tfindanewhouseIwillEVISCERATE.
Tired of sharing my room, tired of having NO PRIVACY, tired of having 7 people in a house built for 4, tired of my uncle, tired of my grandma (disrespectful? yes. Do you understand where I'm coming from? No), tired of EVERYTHING being dirty ALL THE TIME, tired of my mom fighting with my grandma, tired of my dad yelling because my mom is fighting with my grandma, tired of my parents using Facebook.
Parents. Facebook. UGGGGGGH. They're so annoying about it. I barely want to use it anymore. Every status update, they have to talk to me about no matter how much I wouldn't want to talk to them about it, every group they want me to join, every "get off the computer for an hour so I can upload EVERY PHOTO WE FRIGGEN HAVE" session... ugh.
Also on Wednesday, I posted a status thing about how much homework I had (more on that in a bit), and my dad made some joke about it, and I was just about ready to flip out.
The homework. Oh god. History, one section. Algebra, two pages. English 1, reading w/study guide. Spanish, some packet... was not cool. I'm so tired of History and English 1 homework... Mr. Compton and Mr. Riskind are cool, but OH MY GOD STOP WITH THE HOMEWORK. I don't like dealing with this crap every day/week.

Thursday- best day of the week. Blissfully unawares of everything else that happened or was going to happen. Varsha looked AWESOME- my jaw dropped, apparently. x] But then I couldn't talk to her and had homework.

and today- ohhhhh god. I'm not even at liberty to talk about half of what made today bad. I woke up and it felt like someone stuck rocks down my throat. I briefly debated whether or not I should stay home, but decided since I had so much to do today (Hmm... History poster, be available for Marine Science presentation, Spanish quiz, English 1 test, International Food Day, audition results...) I had to go. First few periods were awful, lunch was good then bad, rest of the day was... ehh. IFD turned out to be fun (yaychurros). Then we did a bunch of walking around which sucked because it felt like I was about to barf out my esophagus. Then finally went home. Hello! Here I am now!

Also, Zach wasn't here most of the week. When he's gone, I realize how much I NEED HIM. xD
It was so lonely in Spanish. D:

I can only hope tomorrow is okay. Oh, and I'm forcing my mom to make me french toast on Sunday.
What else can I possibly say?

Um. I finished reading Survivor. I can relate so much to the main character, in a way, in that he's never lived without guidance or anyone influencing his actions or how he feels. I felt like I was that way all week.

I'm addicted to this song, for some reason. Sort of relaxing:

Hahaha. Might download it, possibly.

I'm glad my Valentine's Gift for Varsha was a hit. Was soooo worried. Thanks for liking it. :]
SO READY FOR PROM. OMG.

i can't think of anything else to say.
okay.
um.
later.

And the sad truth of the matter is, I'll never get over it, but I'm gonna try...

 Um. Today. Today was a good today.

I got to not think in History and there was no notes in Marine Science!
Spanish was incredibly easy and Algebra only slightly less so!
Same with both English classes.

BUT BOO. I couldn't sneak my book into the rally! The book lady was like "You're not allowed to bring in ANYTHING."
Whatever, beezy.

Flo Rida was pretty unspectacular. Looking at him reminded me of the book I'm reading: He looked kind of fake and kind of frightening.
It was a pretty entertaining rally, though, and I got to sit with all my friends, so it was better than expected.
Tomorrow's rally is going to suck, though? Boys against girls? NOT FUCKING COOL, SCHOOL. :/
I GO CRAZY WITHOUT MY GIRL PALS.
(gal pals?)
AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. D:

Haha. I'm like the opposite of Chynna.

Afterschool was fun, too. I got to talk to a whole bunch of people, even Varsha for a particularly long time. (By the way, her Valentine's gift is READY! I can't wait to give it to her. :])
Haha, yeah, I saw Charlie, so hopefully he will call/text you, Chynna. :]
Then he had to leave, booooooo.

Then I hung out with Geoffery and Zach. Went to Jack In The Box and ate tacos, like old times. Haha.
Came home and did HOMEWORK AUGH.

Um. And that's how my day was.

Plans for the weekend!

Friday- Isaul's, I hope! Even if we can't have a bitchin' sleepover, it'll be cool to get out of the house. xD I should bring a movie for us to watch... Mean Girls, anyone? :]
Saturday- Valentine's Day! I'll try to be online most of the day. :] Haha.
Sunday- Be lazy and play videogames/read. Hopefully, I'll get a haircut for PROM! Yes. I don't know how to get it, though... I think I'll have them trim it and cut the hair in the front so that it's just above my glasses... or if anyone has any other suggestions how to do it, please, share. :]
Monday- FILLINGS YES. I can't wait to be numb in the face for 3 hours. D:

ok done

We will come to your town, burn your house down, turn the sky brown...

Varsha said that I can't be a dinosaur today at lunch, but then she took it back.

xD

How am I? I've been feeling a bit sick lately... my hands have been cold, my head aching, my stomach burning subtly... I hope it passes. I've been also feeling weird emotionally, and mentally, too. Man-period? Pahaha.
Oh well. Life so far in this year has been problematic in general.

Prom? I never blogged about prom.
I have a date for prom.
She's just the one I always wanted. Perfecto, rah.
And we're going to go and be matching colors and dance to awful music and eat sub-par (maybe?) food and take lots of pictures and hang out with friends and...
Haha, you all should have seen my mother's face when I told her about it, she was like ":OOOO/:DDDD".
It's going to be a good night, I think, even with all the difficulties... she's still my date, and that's what counts.

I want a really good book to read right now. One that will make me go "That was so sweet/awesome/crazy" when I finish it.
What else? 
Hmm.

I have been playing Street Fighter. Changed my mind: Chun Li is awesome. Hahaha.

I hope I get to hang out at Isaul's on Friday, really looking forward to it. A sleepover would be nice, too, but we'll see how that works. Then the next day is Valentine's Day, which I will spend probably at home, but hmm... I'll be on AIM. :]
Then Sunday is Sunday, and on Monday I GET MY TEETH DRILLED FUCK YEAH.

Everyone has been linking to YouTube videos, but I don't have any.
Anyway, I have to go work on a VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT for someone. I plan to finish the main part of it tonight... will probably take awhile.
BONUS HINT: You can enjoy it as much as you like, but will only really need to once.

"You can be my James Deeeeean, I'll be your sweet quee-eeeeen."

Birthday was intense. I'd like to thank everyone who made it great. I like the lightsaber, the iTunes card, the hat, the gloves and all the gifts I haven't even gotten yet. Getting pizza was really fun and I'm glad we all got some food. Thanks all. :]

ISAUL, IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY. You're not going to read this, but just know that we all support you. :]

Amazing ending to a pretty bad month. It was good up until about... ~10 days in, when a whole bunch of sad stuff sort of started to happen, and everyone was getting sick, EVEN ME, even though I already am sick like ALL THE TIME. Stupid viruses. Stupid body.
Oh well.

I don't think I've told all of you: "Oh Well" is now my OFFICIAL CATCHPHRASE.
YAY I HAVE A CATCHPHRASE.

So. What's up? Hmm...

Ooh. Phone debacle! I got a new phone a few weeks ago, and it ended up being a piece of crap that was not only too techy-bullcrap for me, but it was one of those kinds of devices that just liked to break. Just break. Whatever. So we're sending it back in and I got a new one, and it's... nice. Simple. Not "cute", but whatever word means something close to "cute" but is masculine.
MALE.

Um. What else...

New year resolution is going brilliant so far. I still compare myself to people viciously sometimes, but it's much less of a problem for me than it tends to be. Also, to deal with the whole "too much remorse" thing, I've found myself successful in finding ways to rationalize to NOT feel bad, so excellent.

I don't know what to spend my newly-acquired $15 of iTunes stuff on! If you have suggestions, I will be glad to look at them and dismiss them immediately. :]

So I guess the next big thing is Valentines Day. Hopefully Varsha likes what I have in mind as a gift for her... :]
And then two days after I've got to get fillings. Joy. I wonder if they'll fill the ones that are IN BETWEEN the teeth this time. >_<
Luckily, I've been remembering to floss and brush frequently lately... so it won't get worse?

I am happy today because my brother taught me what a "palm mute" is on guitar. TIME FOR PRACTICE.
But not now.

I am currently reading Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk. I really like the way he writes: how the author will sort of break the story to present some random thought or quip. Kurt Vonnegut does the same sort of thing. I guess I really like that kind of thing, books that have totally weird ideas but makes them make so much sense. I should actually read Fight Club... also, I should go to the bookstore or something and get another Vonnegut book... haha.

People are coming over tomorrow for birthday party, round deux! I wonder what we're going to do... but I'm going to start the day by playing Call of Duty... maybe I'll just make them watch me play. Haha.

ok done

Now with adjectives!

3rd entry. That's, if you've been keeping track, two entries after the first one, and seven entries prior to the awe-inspiring, lip-smacking, side-busting, seat-grabbing, hyphen-abusing tenth entry.
Soundtrack to this one (not the tenth one, this one) is music from Final Fantasy VII. It is to coolness what sarcasm is to originality.
Which reminds me I have not watched the remainder of Dr. Horrible yet. FORGETFULNESS. CURSES, FOILED AGAIN.

I am beginning to accept the quasi-hell that is English 1 CP 2nd Semester. Having the two years of wisdom over all but one kid in the class really helps me, which is another point towards "make friends with 7th-graders" plan. It is because you are cooler than them no matter what.

"I got a B on my math test"
"Oh yeah? I got a new car, bitch!"
Kyle Cease is hilarious.

But yes, English 1, it's amusing. The whole "terrain" thing really was the most idiotic thing I ever heard. Not to mention the class is laughably easy, especially in comparison to English 1 Honors. All I have to do is participate in class eight times a week and I can fuckin' ~COAST. Ahahah. It will be a fun semester.

PROM PROM PROM I want to go, but I just hope that I can get a suit made of special fabric that will reduce how awkward I would look in a suit. 

I'm almost done with City of Bones! Hurray for NEAR-INCEST STAR WARS MOMENTS.
Spoilers btwbbq

Also, I finished a videogame today so none of you will know what the hell I am talking about: Bioshock. It had simultaneously one of the most mind-blowing end plot twists ever along with probably the sweetest 10-second ending I HAVE EVER SEEN. SUCH. POWERFUL. IMAGERY. I love happy endings. <3

The word "Imagery" looks 100% weirder in all caps. It looks like it should be pronounced different: I-mah-juh-ree. Pahaha.

I spent my weekend playing too many videogames. And I was surprised I didn't get sick.
Which reminds me I didn't get to talk to Varsha very much this weekend. Sad. D:
But I understand because she was DYING and I did talk to her earlier so it's OKAY.
So lesson learned: Varsha shouldn't be sick anymore.

Mr. Compton kind of confirmed that he would recommend me for APGov/Honors Econ next year. Yay! So now I just have to hope that not only can I get Ms. Speller to recommend me for AP English, but that I can take the responsibility for all three classes!

Yesterday, my brother left his dinner out in my room, completely unfinished. I went to take it out of there and he was like "PUT IT BACK, I'M EATING IT STILL". Even though at that very moment, he was making food for himself. I don't know what happened to it after that.
Thought you might want to know.

I think the coolest thing about a 3-day weekend is not that you get a 3-day weekend, but you get a 4-day-only week. :]

ok thats it

Let's talk about all the nothing.

Uh. Where do I start?
(First of all, I really want to talk to Varsha right now. I hope she is okay. I'm really sorry I wasn't available to talk today. :[)

2008.

It was pretty lame. Terrible, even. I was lonely, and I was sick. First two-thirds of it were probably the worst part of my life since... maybe some parts of 7th or 8th grade? Wow. Lame.
Being generally less healthy than before really sucks.
But it was a little good. Mostly for the last four months of it; really almost made up for the first eight, kind of, not really. I gained a lot more confidence, and junk like that. I've found a few good friends whom I am now very close to, unlike how I was before summer.
And of course, developments that, for the sake of just plain not sounding silly, I will not mention here. All that needs to be said is that Junior year trumps Sophomore year completely.
Overall, I'd give it a C.

CURRENT EVENTS
Hmm. Go down the list!

-English 1 is stupid shit!
It was impossible as a Freshman, now it's just annoying as a Junior who really shouldn't be there. :/ I should've known better than to end up here. I spend most of each class wishing I were down the hall somewhere... anyway, yeah. The freshmen in this class range from completely annoying to sometimes very stupid to occasionally nice, but they're constantly boring and depressing even if it's not their fault at all. It was sort of funny, today, though, because we were reading the first chapter of Great Expectations and Mr. Riskind kept asking "So what do you guys think will happen?" and I knew it all. Haha. Speaking of Mr. Riskind, at least he's way cooler than I thought he'd be. I still wish I were taking classes I'm supposed to be in, though.

-First of many filling appointments on Feb 16th!
Jubilations! Exuberance!

-NEW YEARS RESOLUTION YEAH
It is to... hmm, let's see:
a.) Stop apologizing so much. Haha.
b.) Find more music that I like, and more stuff I could actually be interested in.
c.) Stop caring so much about what other people think of me. Most of my fear in social situations comes from misunderstandings that I THINK I'm having with people, but I'm actually not; stuff I say that really doesn't bother them, but scares me into believing I've wronged them. This leads me to much more stress than I need.
d.) Stop caring so much about what I think about me. Not be so critical of myself. Stop regretting every decision. Stop freaking out over every past action that isn't even a big deal. Stop fearing every word I say. Who cares if I'm not an Honors student? Who cares if someone can do something I can't, or knows something I don't? Who cares that maybe even I'm just not so special? It doesn't matter. I don't want to compare myself to people anymore. It has to stop.

-Today was fun!
Went to the mall for 5 hours and didn't buy anything (oops. Not good at the whole buying stuff for people thing. :/). Got some sunglasses from Lena (Can't wait to learn to wear contacts so that I may wear them around. :]). Charlie amazed me today, haha. Also, got my grades, and I'm not sad at all, but I'm not talking about it.

-My birthday is in 20 days! 
But I have no idea what I want to do for it... oh well.
That is all.

Blogging? Yeah, blogging.

 So listen: today was garbage.

It started out well enough. Except the house was dirty, and it still is.
--why am I doing this again? Ah yes, better than paper.

Don't go shopping two days before the day you plan on having a gift ready for Christmas. Or else you'll have to go with your brother and his girlfriend, and you'll have to settle on buying a $10 pillow, and then you'll have to leave after only an hour because you walked to the mall two hours before you were supposed to be leaving for a...
...dentist appointment. It was awful:

Hi, you're Dominic, yes? Come with me. Wait here for 5 minutes, in your awkward way of waiting if you'd like. You have 3 fillings you didn't get last year that we have to do soon, even though you're pretty sure you already got them. Just thought you might want to feel bad about that. Come for this x-ray here, put on the heavy jacket. Put this in your mouth. Okay. *click* I'm your dentist, and I talk too much. *click* Okay. Wait here for another 5 minutes. Okay, put your head in this weird machine and bite on this plastic thing for 2 minutes as hard as you can so I can see if your wisdom teeth are coming in. They are, but only kinda. Notice how the machine spins slowly and ominously around your head as I leave the room. Okay. I'm back. Sit in this chair. Or lay in this chair. Whatever. Let me shine this light in your face, like you're McDonalds french fries or some shit. Okay. Here's my pick and mirror. Scrape, scrape, scrape. Let me tell you something about my kids that you won't be able to hear over the scraping. Okay. Let me clean your mouth with this thing you don't know what it is, along with my vacuum thingy for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, I'll rinse your mouth out, and you'll sigh with relief, that is, if your mouth isn't full of water and vacuums and cleaning stuff. Okay, but more cleaning. Rinsing. Cleaning. Scraping. You might have cavities in between your front teeth. Yes, between them. Here's your other dentist to find out if you have cavities in between your teeth.

Yeah. Okay. I'm your other dentist. Let me use this drill thing you don't know what it is, and this spray thing you don't know what it is. Okay, go get more X-rays. *click* *click*. Okay, looks like you don't have cavities in between your front teeth. Now we're putting glue on your teeth. Minty glue. It's disgusting, but just sit there with your mouth shut and full of minty glue for the next 5 or 10 minutes. Okay. Get up. So just kidding: You do have cavities in between your front teeth. Four! Math makes it seven with your mysterious unaccounted for previous three. See you for the next 3 or 4 cavity filling appointments! Bye.

And so on.

(lookame, I can do second-person!)

I was very worried all day.
I feel like crap.

Anyway, tomorrow is Christmas Eve! I actually sort of am very excited to talk to everyone. I'm hoping it will be a good day indeed.

That's all for now. 
I guess I can talk about other stuff.
My summer was garbage. First month was great; mostly. Then we went on vacation and it went to hell. Got super sick, with some stomach crap I don't know what it is from July until now. It's just debilitating enough to sometimes seriously interfere with what I'm doing.
It's been a great school year so far, though. Academics are coming along nicely; no major "UGGHGHGGHHGUG" classes like last year or the one before. The classes are way harder, though, in general, but there's no SUPER HARD one. Socially, I've been doing way better than before, because I have people to confide in... haha.

I can't possibly write another word of this shiiiiiit. P-e-e-e-e-eace!

  • Current Mood
    augh